TO DO LIST: 2009

Now is the time when I resolve to start doing or stop doing certain things in anticipation of a glorious new year. Begin anew, rejoice in the miraculous rebirth of self, or some other flaccid platitude.
Without further ado:

• Get ripped like exercise crazed Navy Seal on speed.
• Find job that leaves me creatively, emotionally, spiritually, financially, cosmically, holistically, and fundamentally satisfied.
• Make the perfect bowl of oatmeal.
• Begin creative writing: screenplay, novel, short story. Anything.
• Regrow hair.
• Lose those last nagging ten pounds.
• Travel to a warm, salty place and chillax.
• Prepare for the singularity.

WHO SELLS GOOD BUGGY WHIPS THESE DAYS?

The former chairman of the NASDAQ bilking his investors with a high tech Ponzi scheme? AIG just now disclosing billions lost in worthless credit default swaps after the government bails them out. And all of the top management is still employed. How can this be worse than just letting these criminals go to jail and letting the morally and financially bankrupt system follow its own natural course. Let the market sort this out and leave my tax money out of it! If the big 3 automakers can't build cars that Americans are willing to buy then let them die. New companies with new and innovative products will replace them. Thank goodness the government didn't subsidize the carriage and buggy whip industry 100 years ago.

NO COOKIES IN THE LIBRARY

Something must be done about these fuzzy, blue, mentally ill patrons.